Friday, January 30, 2009


And so the story goes...I got the news that a staff at my old highschool died this morning. There's a deep sadness within me, because he was only in his 40's. He was just a very jovial person, great personality. He never tried to talk down to the students. He treated everyone pretty much as an equal. I remember when I had become a senior, he let me cut the lunch line inorder to exercise my seniority. We had a good laugh over that, cuz no one took me seriously. Mr. Kirkland always saved me a pass to the library, even when they were about to run out. He always inquired about my mom's health, especially when he heard she had a stroke. He told me it would be ok, and ok it was. Unfortunately Mr. Kirkland did not survive the same stroke that my mother had. It took his life. My heart goes out to his family and everyone that ever met him, because until you've met this guy you'll never know how big of an impact he had on us. And so i venture out into the world now, ready to offer a smile to anyone who needs it, ready to tell jokes to brighten days.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Michael's: Like a kid in a candy store

So today i went to Rego park for my art supplies. Michael's is the name of the store that held my future grade for art 211. I sauntered up the escalators thinking what kind of art store would need this much space. The place was absolutely spacious. As my greedy eyes took in all the colors, I wondered where I should start...sooo i headed to the beads section. They had make your own bracelets, earring and necklaces do it yourself books!! and the color of the beads, the shapes, the beauty, was so overwhelming. It was at that moment that I realized i only had $60 and Michael's was hella expensive...arrgh so frustrating!! So i walked around taking my sweet time to get my school supplies. I ended up in the crayola section. It spoke to that childlike part of me. You know when I was ten, and used to watch the commercials of erasable markers, and retractable crayons, and amazon inspired colors. Needless to say I spent 35 mins in that section just going up and down, treating my eyes to a bevy of colors and new ways of coloring. I dont wanna bore you with the detail, buuut I did end back up at the beads section, to have another look, and that took another hour....I loved every part of it. I came home and added Michael' to my favorites list. Yours truly WILL be going back, and I will learn to make my own jewelry.

Will you look at that??? another great art store just came to my attention.....They call it Pearl :)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

New beginnings

Today is a new day. regardless of the horrible weather outside, I'm still glad to be up and about. school is finally in session, Than you Lord!!. Another reason to get out of the house. I no longer feel like I'm going through the motion now-a-days. Things are starting to fall into place. no more wondering, or waiting. I wish you could've been part of my plan though. Part of my satisfaction. But it's ok. I no longer think of you as much ( or so i tell myself). I no longer ask him "how you're doing"? why? I'm beginning to believe myself when i say " I don't care anymore". those wasted feelings are going into my school work. All the pent up emotions, things i wanted to say and do, and somehow never got to it. They're going to magically fuse together and turn into this great potential.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration day

7:15 am: I'm awake...the excitement is about to kill me
The day is finally here. I cannot be there in person, so yours truly will witness history in the making on CNN.

So now the day has come to an end, the noise level lowered to a hum, but the electricity is pretty much still there, an underlying current.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Oh coonery!!!

So the first blog should always be meaningful, but I'm starting to question if any thing truly has meaning anymore. But something tells me Blogspot is my place. Having given up on xanga in highschool, I jumped on sconex, did the myspace thing and decided to stay with Facebook. To be honest nothing is more satisfying than having a place to let it all out. This place where writer's block never happens, where names, dates and events never cease.
Allow me to recap:
January 16: Silence sneaks up on you when you least expect it. so cunning, so noiseless. It's a slow echoing sound of .....nothing. Nothing at all, as we pretend that the other doesn't exist. As I silently sit watching the Twilight zone, wondering if someway somehow I've been caught in one of the episodes. My eyes begin to glaze as I realize "I'm not really watching this crap", but instead watching you in a very subtle manner. I'm watching the screen, yet seeing your face as the light dances across, playing with the dark contours. I sat waiting for a signal, a chance, a change in body posture. something that would beckon to me and say " its ok to speak".....Instead you nonchalant. so I imitated your body language and left things unsaid. words that were up for grabs, yet none of us moved.
January 17: Winter in NY is such a beautiful thing. No it wasn't the coldest winter ever, that story had already been written, but with you it came pretty close. I saw every breath you took. I was visible yet you "brace me with you cold shoulder" and i wondered how that song could be so prophetic to my situtation. I welcomed the silence, acknowledged and embraced it. My decision that night? I'd rather keep my pride and wonder, than to lose it and wonder why?