So the first blog should always be meaningful, but I'm starting to question if any thing truly has meaning anymore. But something tells me Blogspot is my place. Having given up on xanga in highschool, I jumped on sconex, did the myspace thing and decided to stay with Facebook. To be honest nothing is more satisfying than having a place to let it all out. This place where writer's block never happens, where names, dates and events never cease.
Allow me to recap:
January 16: Silence sneaks up on you when you least expect it. so cunning, so noiseless. It's a slow echoing sound of .....nothing. Nothing at all, as we pretend that the other doesn't exist. As I silently sit watching the Twilight zone, wondering if someway somehow I've been caught in one of the episodes. My eyes begin to glaze as I realize "I'm not really watching this crap", but instead watching you in a very subtle manner. I'm watching the screen, yet seeing your face as the light dances across, playing with the dark contours. I sat waiting for a signal, a chance, a change in body posture. something that would beckon to me and say " its ok to speak".....Instead you sat..so nonchalant. so I imitated your body language and left things unsaid. words that were up for grabs, yet none of us moved.
January 17: Winter in NY is such a beautiful thing. No it wasn't the coldest winter ever, that story had already been written, but with you it came pretty close. I saw every breath you took. I was visible yet you "brace me with you cold shoulder" and i wondered how that song could be so prophetic to my situtation. I welcomed the silence, acknowledged and embraced it. My decision that night? I'd rather keep my pride and wonder, than to lose it and wonder why?