Saturday, October 17, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Finding out that the kid from Chi*town (the one you like) is in your extended family ( though not by blood: which you found out yesterday (YES!!!) also has its bit of downside. I mean He feels like family, but then your thought are kinda umm well..you get the idea.
Hearing that your aunt (the one who supposedly did you mother dirty when she had a stroke) has cancer, is not thrilling. You def. wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy.
Having your mother tell you to hurry up and finish school because the best time to have children is in your 20s ( scary much??)
Making your own money for the first time in your life, and feeling the pain of having to spend it, or not knowing what to spend it on ( even though you used to be a shop-a-holic)
having your grandma come from Nigeria and having you gain weight from all her cooking ( you went from a size 7 to a size 9) and she claims it wasn't her food, that your hips are simply making room for the multiple kids you'll have when you get older ( this coming from a woman who had her frist child @ 19)
having your 3 years old brother warning you not to eat anything with peanut butter, cuz he doesn't understand that just because he's allergic to the stuff, doesn't mean its off limits to everyone else.
Friday, June 19, 2009
I've definitely been on a long Hiatus. So much has happen, that trying to write about it all would just take me forever. I think that last time I made a post was in Late April. So just to catch the world up on what happened. 1) My birthday money was stolen from me. Unfortunately its one of those cases where I new the person, but was so saddened by their criminality to say anything. So I left it alone. I can only wonder what kind of desperation would make someone teal from another person. 2)My traitorous Aunt has cancer. The woman who tried in her own way to harm my mother. Instead of feeling gleeful, I'm actually saddened by this. Life has a funny way of affecting us all. One day you're the criminal, next day you're the victim. I wish her the best, and hopes she makes it. She's currently doing chemotherapy. 3) Umm I realized that I can wait for romance. Alot of people would think I'm waiting for perfection. I say NO " I'm waiting for something close to it, but never perfection". The way I see things. Education and family are my 2 top priorities Right now. To even get into a relationship wouldn't be fair to the guy or myself. How can make demands on another person to make me their #1 when they haven't gotten their situations in order? Statistics have shown that men are ready to settle down after education, and the scecurement of a job. so yea I can def. wait. 4) I got my first Job EVER! Currently working at a daycare/foster home. Its not so bad. being that it's ran by Nigerians, I pretty much get to do things my way! It's a very eye opening experience, because I've always wanted to work, and often envied people my age with jobs. But now looking back, i understand why my parents didn't want me working.
Anyways that's it for now...and btw I can be found on FB
Monday, April 27, 2009
Perhaps I read the signs all wrong and you really weren't interested. So you call me on the 22nd. I called you back because I was unavailable at the moment, yet you didn't return my calls. How interesting. Here I was hoping that it was just a fluke, or somehow someway, our networks just didn't want us to connect. So i left it alone, thinking " well tomorrow is my birthday surely he'll call then." But you never did. I couldn't really get mad ( I' don't do anger). what annoyed me the most was that you were supposed to be interested yet all I got on facebook was a measly "happy b-day". SERIOUSLY, like are you kidding me? two can play that game I thought when I saw it, so I replied...'thanx'. Cuz your pathetic happy birthday didn't even deserve my precious thanx. Yes its the thought that counted, but if you couldn't "think" enough to call me, then I wasn't going to bother. Even after my birthday you didn't call. But you called Tonight. Why oh why? ( perhaps now is the time to confess that I lied tonite) It was a necessary white lie. Ok maybe not so white. but it was still necessary. I hate that feeling that comes, especially when someone could've done more, or something of that sort (I do have selfish tendencies but so what!). I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is that out of sight is out of mind. if you're trying to win me over then shouldn't you have put in more effort? perhaps back in my younger years I would've sat by and still accepted your call whole heartedly regardless of how many days, weeks months or years you didn't call ( a bit of exaggeration). But I'm no longer a child, and its even harder to pretend like everything is kosher, especially when its not. So don't act all hurt, like you care, because i know deep down where it counts you really don't.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
So spring break was quite fun. I loved every minute of it. I remember 2 people asking me what type of dance I do. I did modern dance before, and now I'm into Afro Caribbean dance. Afro-cari dance is INTENSE. After one workout, you'll feel muscles that you never knew you had in your body. On Thursday I actually went to the Alvin Ailey dance center and took one of their classes. It was a west African dance class, 90% of the attendees were white women, who work for corporate America. You should've seen them all as they walked in with wrappas tied around their waist...Even better was when they danced. This one white woman went into a frenzy. CHEI!!! arms everywhere, hair flying, Feet jumping, Back bending, and face fierce as hell. Then there was a dance battle with this one small Chinese lady and another white woman. In fact ehhh, they put me to shame. Imagine women who looked over the age of 35 could do all of this...
So my birthday is in 5 days. Yaaaay. I'm really taking my time and reflecting on my past years. Trying to figure out how I can better myself, and whether or not somethings are worth repeating.
Remember my friend U and her BF? well they never quite worked things out. They ended up breaking up the same day i was writing the blog about them. So a part of me is dissapointed to learn that love doesn't always conquer all. I mean nothing gold can ever truly last. Thats just a part of life we all have to learn to deal and cope with.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Turns out that her BF is sick ( so I’m thinking: and?? Just take the boy some pepe soup and make some “face time”) But as she went on to explain what type of sickness he had, I just felt sad.
When U first started dating her boo, her cousin was like “you know he has sickle cell right?” But U didn’t think much of it, and she was like “soooo….what does that have to do with anything?” Though I don’t know the timeline of when things were said I have to go on an educated guess starting from now. So U’s BF finally told her that he has sickle cell disease. ( I already knew that people who have sickle cell tend to be in a lot of pain: one of my friends father had it…he was sick like almost every month). U also learned that her boyfriend wanted to have kids. It was and still is very much at the top of his list. Because he has the actual disease, the chances of him having a healthy child is almost slim. That’s where the woman plays a critical role. The chances of him having a healthy child with a woman who doesn’t have the disease is 3 out of 4. (Pretty darned good chance if you ask me). According to him: he can’t marry a woman who either has the disease or has the trait if he want kids.
U went on to tell us that she recently went to the doctor for a check up and some blood work ( This is the part where I got that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach). Turns out she has the trait. ( why oh why??????)
She called up her BF. ( they always take a day out to just talk about any and everything). So she asks him to tell her more about his disease…and he does. He doesn’t want any of the kids he’ll have in the future to have to go through the pain that he goes through. ( This is the part where I urge you all to run to the search engines and type in sickle cell disease/anemia).
Now at this point some readers may be like well….what’s the problem. U is a carrier of the gene, and her BF has the disease. Their chances of having any HEALTHY kids together is very slim. Here you have two people who are very much in love. Both are from the same ethnic group in Naija, so you’d think there are no problems…right?? Wrong. I told U that she can always do more research on the disease to find out more, and see if anything can be done..after all they’re still young. Then I said well to be honest, If you love him very much, and run out of options…there’s always adoption. Then she gave me that look. ( I can’t blame her) ( most naijas/africans in general don’t do adoption unless they are barren and this is not a case of infertility) she went on to say well even if I do adopt, what will my family think and that she is right. She also stressed that she wants to know “ what he and I will look like together” ( after that statement my heart broke even more)Most families don’t take too kindly to bringing an outsider into the family, especially a child who is not of blood relation to come and bear the family name.
So when I think about this whole thing, it just makes me sad all over again. Here I thought love was supposed to conquer all. I mean who doesn’t want off springs? Most of us do, but at what price? Are we willing to give up perhaps the only person who will ever love us whole heartedly for something else of equal importance? So my heart goes out to U and her BF. I hope you both find a way to stay together…even though one person may not get what they want. I’m praying for you guys, and I urge you to have faith, because as Ayo said yesterday “ there is nothing prayer can’t do”.
There is nothing else i can do but to dedicate this song, to a very sweet and caring girl. One who i know will love a person with all her heart and leave out nothing. One that I'm afraid will evetually end up sacrifising her own happiness for that of another person. So here is "Feel My Love" by Adele.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
I have a confession to make. I haven't been totally honest with myself or others. This has been going on since January. This issue has become damaging. I can't hold it in anymore.
I'm in dire need of a PERM!!!.
Who was I fooling thinking I could go natural?? 3 months without that creamy white crack known as relaxer.....the only thing that can manage this my tumble weed I call hair. Last time i got my hair relaxed was Dec 08'. Can you imagine? After that perm, i though well since they say going natural is good, why not give it a try? So me and my mumu self, abandoned my hair for sooo long. Combing it is now difficult. Infact there are some days I don't even put the comb to it. I just take one head scarf and wrap it around. When my Friends ask I tell them I'm fasting!! lol.
But after a while I realized that laziness kept me from getting my hair done. Now everyone is complaining, from my father to my mother, to my friends. as if to say that its a national crisis. I keep telling them I'm a college student abeg! i have no time for such frivolities. It's not like I'm looking for a husband. And if i was, what happened to "take me as I am".
According to my mom, "no man wants a woman who looks like onye ara ( crazy person)"
see insult oooo. She's only on my case because I broke her favorite wide teethed comb. Now she curses my hair every chance she gets. So I've decided to give in and finally get my hair done. No no perm...not right away...I'm thinking kinky twist first. Never had it done before but I've always loved the "natural" look of it....
Monday, March 30, 2009
I'm currently dealing with an emotional vampire right now. You know the type. People who don't give a rat's ass about others. They suck the energy from people and give nothing back. then when you try to sublty let them know that you don't appreciate their behavior they suddenly catch the DRAMA QUEEN SYNDROME.
Now don't get me wrong, i have no real problem with this person. its just that They're so vulgar, loud, rude and obnoxious. Now i dont normally get into the habit of telling people how to behave in public, but OMG this person drove me mad!! the worst part is I have yet to let my other friends know how i feel. For one, they always tell me how wonderful this person is, and how cool, and how funny they are.I'm sorry but when did it become funny to make fun of an indian person just because they were muslim. Especially when one of the people that was with us is muslim. SMH.
now i'm at my boiling, because for me to sit here all day and rant is just not my kind of thing to do. lets just say i'm fed up with this person and their behavior. up to the point that if he/she is with my friends i just walk away. Its like he/she put some kind of curse on them, that makes them fall for his/her foolishness. i mean i love my friends and all, but until this person came into the picture, i've been seeing them in a whole new light...like why do you fall so easily for this bufoonery? sigh** it makes no sense at all..
Anyways that all for today: Back to my Anatomy and Physiology!! test on monday. wish me luck
Friday, March 27, 2009
Watching them I realized that something fishy was going on. The guy that originally like Halee, was talking to Ade. Then it hit me: this isn't the first time they had the same guy vieing for both their affection. There's the computer guy ( whose name shall remain unknown to you the reader) who in the beginning liked Ade ( before she even met halee) Then he started talking to Halee. What do both guys have in common? They're both Jamaican, as are all the guys in that school who've bee trying to talk to me, Uwa, Halee and Ade. Me on the other hand, I learned quickly that guys of any background can be players. My bullshit detector goes off at an alarming rate every time "nonsense chin gum chewing boys" try to spit game. I think its all a conspiracy. Its like they're tryna get with all the Nigerian girls, let alone the fact that we're all like sisters, and hang out together, so its not like they ( dudes) don't know what they're doing.
Then there's the "other" who for some reason loves giving me mixed signals. If i was remotely interested I'd be alarmed, but at this rate I'm only disgusted cuz I definitely am not feeling him, and he has the nerve to try and talk to another one of my friends at the same time. Ugh! And people wonder why I have a low tolerance for guys ( who aren't my close friends or besties). They all come with the same sorry excuses and the same pathetic lines.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
So today I found myself in bed after everyone had left...half asleep and half awake, waiting for God knows what ( actually I know what I was waiting for...just dont wanna say it right now :P)
Ended up at the library..cuz mom kicked me out of the house (sigh*) woe is me. went to York, met up with BoDa ( LMAOOO: inny) and proceded onto Bebe's casa, where we spent the rest of the evening listening to songs, dancing, and catching up. It must be repeated..only this time i need a camera to capture the fun...def got the crazies.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
And so it hit me while talking to my neighbor a couple of days ago. The Naija community in NY is too small for my liking. Which is why i don't make it a habit of attending naija parties. The way I see it you're partying with the same people over and over again<< where's the fun in that? So I'll probably wait for time to pass before i finally make my debut at one of the parties ( the little form fitting dresses in my closet are begging for a night out in town). Another unfrotunate aspect of it is that , in NY, if you know one Nigerian you know them all. So lets say you know Kunle, whose cousin is Ola..turns out Ola was the dude your cousin dated a while back, but now he's dating chioma who happens to be one of your close friends from way back when. Now you like Kunle's friend Emeka, but Chioma doesn't trust him cuz they used to chill and he's not bf material<< Things like this i don't like. I think thats one of the reasons why I've never really bothered dating a naija guy. If there is no cheating involved, you better believe you're messing with someone's ex, and there's bound to be drama. So as of right now...I'm trying to keep a low profile ( right bebe? LMAO). Don't get me wrong I love naija guys. I love everything about them, from their swagg to their sense of humor, but getting involved with one in NYC is like a warrant for trouble.
Monday, March 16, 2009
The above is my life as of right now. can't complain since my grades are looking extra sexy :).
can't wait till spring break...the countdown begins NOW!
Two more tests and I can taste FREEDOM!
Friday, March 13, 2009
So far I can't seem to keep food or medicine down. I've thrown up like 7 x in the past 10 hours or so. I feel utterly weak, and dehydrated. Unfortunately i have to cancel all my weekend plans. I simply wont be able to make it anywhere on my own two feet. My tummy looks flat...as though I've been getting ready for summer all winter long. (so thats how anorexics and bulimics do it . YUCKY).
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
well Lets just say this wasn't one of those meetings. In retrospect you just have to laugh, cuz at this point that all you can do. Either that or cry about it..lol. and everybody knows big girls don't cry. I mean don't you just hate it when people depend on you begin the conversation. After they see that its not gonna happen like that, they seem to lose interest. You see them getting restless..(usually the drumming on the table gives away the anxiety to leave). You try another location only to find that this one was worse than the last. There nothing else left ot do or say...and they finally walk away.
I say fine. The ball is no longer in your court. So as for now you are no longer in the game. Don't be concerned. You've done your part...and sometimes its not enough, for others. But is should always be enough for you
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Three days later, she still couldn't forget...she needed some type of closure. Something that would help her sleep easy at night. Some thing to reassure her that his heart truly was cold, so that when she walked away she'd never have to look back...She had to make that phone call...but her pride was killing her...a heart wrenching sadness, that only brought tears. Nothing else left to do now, but to make that phone call...time. I need time.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
It was those skates. the one you saw on TV, and fell in love with, and you just had to have. The one where all the kids who put it on seemed like they could just glide through life. The smile on their faces, tugging at your heart strings cuz... well cuz..you wanted a smile like that too. So you prayed with heart. You begged and pleaded and made a deal with God..telling him that if he could grant you this you'll be the best, daughter, student, and sister there ever was. You prayed every night for approx seven months. Seven long hard months, whose passing days just dulled your spirit a bit, because those skates were never gonna be a reality. remember that?
then remember the day mom took you and your little sisters to toys r' us, and she bought you those magical skates. the pink and creamy white ones, with the strap on lace up fronts? my my my...you were the envy of the neighborhood. Even your sisters wanted to put their feet it, but you kept telling them that their feet were too big, and that the skates were custom made for your foot...you thought you were cinderella. remember the first time you tried to skate, only to learn that you had to practice skating, and that it wasn't as easy as it looked. you fell, over and over again, but that didn't stop you. Day in and day out you were outside again. little feet in skates against the pavements....Remember how all of this happened approx 10 yrs ago...and it all started with prayer...well I'm gonna need you to pray again. pray with your heart once more.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
it's an amazing feeling to finally find someone, whose intellect is at the same level of yours..well lets just say he has a year of experience ahead of me. He takes the term communication to a whole new level. I've never had my heart so bared to a person, my feelings so readable. It's safe to say I've met my match....
Monday, February 23, 2009
He's ever so intruiging.
Long tapered fingers that glide
so so so easily across the keys,
black on white,
melody on top of one another
racing to be the first
and last tune that i hear.
O Pianist. Play me a soft gentle melody...
as my head falls on this cloud of softness.
Lull me to sleep,
as your fingers glide...
gently gently along my skin.
Brown on brown,
playing out the sounds that only nature can emit...
with dips and moans and glides and tones...
Pianist play me one of those forever songs...
that'll last me till the east comes alive and west sleeps once again.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I love saturdays..early morning cartoons, made even more enjoyable with a plate of cereal by my side. Warm in my jammies, remote in hand as tunes slowly drift from radio. the outside world creaks and moans as the wind brushes past my window. the hushed tone, and wild images from the TV, only induces this warm feeling...urging me to get more sleep, but i feel safe here..so i stay.
today is my neighbor's birthday...big shout out to him on turning 20. Happy birthday kiddo!!
hmmm i see more cookies in the future...lol.
Monday, February 16, 2009
But as I've learned today...sometime you have to use those cutesy little words, you have to compliment others, because it is always easier to approach a person with sweetness, rather than harsh and direct words
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Soooo as my schedule dictates...I had art and afro caribbean dance today. I realized that my new found friend joseph is gay. I mean he had feminine tendencies, but alot of dudes are that way. AND we were talkin about something and he said "my partner and I...." OMG i totally did a double take...like NO WAY!!! my first official openly gay friend. But he's really cool ( i mean any guy that offers to buy me food is automatically cool with me). J** was here today. wierd cuz he missed art last week. when he walked in I was like "well well well...look who decided to join us". So passing around the attendance sheet I saw that his last name is "husbands" like HUH??? what's the story behind that one?? but then I remembered my own last name and thought " i should be the last person to speak".
Next came dance. the instructor's name is June. She quirky, and sarcastic at the same time. I love sarcastic people. Dont ask me why. they always seem to know more than they let on. So yea, June had us doing 20 mins of exercise. By the time she was done I felt muscles that i didnt even know I had start aching. My head was pounding, and my heart was racing. June said "girl the way you huffing and puffin would put a woman in labor to shame"!! That definately got a laugh from the class.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
yet again, holding me in infancy
Hands that parted and plaited my hair into three
Three reminiscent of "I Love Yous"
That came undone every weekend
only to be done again
Those hands that gave fufu to an unwilling child
while promises of untold strength
entered my mouth.
The hands that were quick to discipline
a child who had picked off the
unriped tomatoes in her garden
Hands that later soothed and cajoled a child's worried soul
I want to feel grandmother's hands
Hands that seemed to clap the loudest in church
this child's first sound of salvation
The Hands of a rainmaker
whose rain poured into the garden of
my heart and filled it with joy
I want to feel the hands that cooconed me at night from
the unknown darkness
The hands that peeled ukwa all day long.
Hands of hardwork, of character, of motherhood
Hands that held the secret of the world with in each
line of her palms.
These hands nurtured my mother
How I long for grandmother's hands around me yet again.
To feel safe, to feel welcome, to feel what it means
to return home
Oh to be drawn into these hands
To be held in the arms of an aged wonder.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
So please don't get mad. I merely played my part, and you set things in motion for me. How does it feel being on the other side looking in? By crossing that line, you've isolated the people that were in your corner, the people that were willing to protect you. Does it irk you, knowing that this situation was orchestrated around lies? Dear nobody...I wont tell if you wont tell. I can fix this. All you have to do is swallow your pride and ask.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The day is finally here. I cannot be there in person, so yours truly will witness history in the making on CNN.
So now the day has come to an end, the noise level lowered to a hum, but the electricity is pretty much still there, an underlying current.