Wednesday, April 8, 2009

When Love isn't Enough: part 1

Yesterday was one of those days, where I found myself spending a few mins. with some friends on the last day of school. We were all sitting and talking about our plans for Spring break. The Idea was just not to be at home. So I asked one of my coolest friends (lets call her U.) what she had planned and she was like “O I don’t even know anymore”. Weird coming from her, this was the girl who was SUPER Juiced cuz her BF was coming home from school for the break. So being the nosy person I was I pushed and pushed until she finally told us.
Turns out that her BF is sick ( so I’m thinking: and?? Just take the boy some pepe soup and make some “face time”) But as she went on to explain what type of sickness he had, I just felt sad.
When U first started dating her boo, her cousin was like “you know he has sickle cell right?” But U didn’t think much of it, and she was like “soooo….what does that have to do with anything?” Though I don’t know the timeline of when things were said I have to go on an educated guess starting from now. So U’s BF finally told her that he has sickle cell disease. ( I already knew that people who have sickle cell tend to be in a lot of pain: one of my friends father had it…he was sick like almost every month). U also learned that her boyfriend wanted to have kids. It was and still is very much at the top of his list. Because he has the actual disease, the chances of him having a healthy child is almost slim. That’s where the woman plays a critical role. The chances of him having a healthy child with a woman who doesn’t have the disease is 3 out of 4. (Pretty darned good chance if you ask me). According to him: he can’t marry a woman who either has the disease or has the trait if he want kids.
U went on to tell us that she recently went to the doctor for a check up and some blood work ( This is the part where I got that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach). Turns out she has the trait. ( why oh why??????)
She called up her BF. ( they always take a day out to just talk about any and everything). So she asks him to tell her more about his disease…and he does. He doesn’t want any of the kids he’ll have in the future to have to go through the pain that he goes through. ( This is the part where I urge you all to run to the search engines and type in sickle cell disease/anemia).
Now at this point some readers may be like well….what’s the problem. U is a carrier of the gene, and her BF has the disease. Their chances of having any HEALTHY kids together is very slim. Here you have two people who are very much in love. Both are from the same ethnic group in Naija, so you’d think there are no problems…right?? Wrong. I told U that she can always do more research on the disease to find out more, and see if anything can be done..after all they’re still young. Then I said well to be honest, If you love him very much, and run out of options…there’s always adoption. Then she gave me that look. ( I can’t blame her) ( most naijas/africans in general don’t do adoption unless they are barren and this is not a case of infertility) she went on to say well even if I do adopt, what will my family think and that she is right. She also stressed that she wants to know “ what he and I will look like together” ( after that statement my heart broke even more)Most families don’t take too kindly to bringing an outsider into the family, especially a child who is not of blood relation to come and bear the family name.
So when I think about this whole thing, it just makes me sad all over again. Here I thought love was supposed to conquer all. I mean who doesn’t want off springs? Most of us do, but at what price? Are we willing to give up perhaps the only person who will ever love us whole heartedly for something else of equal importance? So my heart goes out to U and her BF. I hope you both find a way to stay together…even though one person may not get what they want. I’m praying for you guys, and I urge you to have faith, because as Ayo said yesterday “ there is nothing prayer can’t do”.

There is nothing else i can do but to dedicate this song, to a very sweet and caring girl. One who i know will love a person with all her heart and leave out nothing. One that I'm afraid will evetually end up sacrifising her own happiness for that of another person. So here is "Feel My Love" by Adele.


  1. hey you...nice and lovly layout..not read the post yet tho..

  2. so sad..

    I know they want their own children, who wouldn't? But I think they should really stop, think and consider the consequences. To hell with what the families would think, if adoption is the only way out, then so be it. It wouldn't be fair to be bring into this world a child to suffer..

    I know it's easier said than done tho.. I really do feel bad for them..

  3. yea its really so sad. i agree with buttercup adoption is not a bad idea..

  4. hmm. If they really do love each other in that special way I hope they stay together because If not they will regret it. We change over time and maybe in time they'll be more into the adoption idea? I hope for the best anyway. it's a sad story. Love is supposed to conquer all, but that does NOT mean its easy..Oh this was sad.

  5. WOW...I pray that your friend and her BF can settle on the best solution for them*

  6. i pray for strength for them..what ever they decide on....sad.

  7. Thank everyone:
    I sent her a link t the post and she's read it..hopefully i can get her permission to blog about what happened next

  8. This is really deeply saddening...
    Everything would be alright...
    I hope they make a decision that would be for the good of all parties involved...

  9. Hmmmm as everyone said very sad!
    I don't know what to say .... because I personally don't know what i would do in the situation but I clearly know the right thing would be to most propbably stay together and adopt if they can't have children. LOVE is a deep thing and yes hun it should conquer all things!
    LOving your blog missy :-)

  10. Wow.. You know what? I had a friend with similar issues.
    They ended up married and have a daughter together (healthy). However, I know she had to go through countless tests in the first trimester..
    I wish them best of luck

  11. aaaaaw thanx everyione. this blog that my friend wrote was about me. and i really appreciate ur concerns and advice. chi chi will write part 2 to this blog. i would rather that she wirte it. plz add me to ur blogs cause i am new to this,. i will be writinmg a lot of blogs soon.